I struggle

The feeling of not wanting to get out of bed in the morning,
Waking up not knowing how to make it through the day,
Not knowing who to be,
What you should do, or say.

Depression is hard to deal with,
It grabs you, dragging you in,
The tide is so strong,
You begin to drown you can’t swim.

The only way out,
At least in your mind,
It’s so simple, death,
So you walk that line.

The line where you wake up every day,
And have to decide,
Will today be the day,
That I finally die?

You wonder if the pain will ever cease,
If you will ever feel emotion again,
If you will ever recover,
If you will ever mend.

Then there was a break through,
Or maybe it was the breakdown I needed,
The love broke through,
The crop of light was seeded.

I went to seek help,
Many months of yelling and crying,
Moving past what had happened in my life,
No more living a life full of lying.

Little by little my days begin to brighten,
The sun comes out,
Sometimes though,
It’s still hard not to doubt.

I am on the path to getting better,
To respecting and loving myself,
To not feeling hopeless,
Although I am not restored to full health.

I know I still have work ahead of me,
But at least I am putting the past behind,
I will be rational eventually,
I will have a clear mind.